Analysis/Discussion: Is it ok for older men/women to date young men/women? pt 1


Sup folks?

As promised, I’ve finally gotten enough feedback and information to compose a detailed analysis and post that not only expresses my feelings/experiences on relationships between older men/women and younger men/women. Let us begin.

Initial thoughts:

Well, when I first began to think on this topic it was something I’d been considering for a little while. I mean, for the longest time my experience had been that in most of these cases men/women ages 30 and above would be looking at dating younger mates usually between the ages of 18 and 24 in order to seek some sort of control over a relationship. This form of control can mean several things whether it’s psychological, physical, or emotional and my research data(several close friends I’ve asked about the matter including quite a few with experience) tells me that the majority of these relationships rely on this control to a fault. In fact, most of the time these relationships are short term situations for the younger party unless their is some sort of emotional investment such as a child or financial stake.

Initial Analysis? Older relationships are too dependent on the older party dictating control to work.

Why do older/younger individuals actively pursue these relationships?

Well, I’ve already covered the initial reasons why older individuals  seem to favor these relationships, or at the very least what my initial thoughts are. Now, as far as younger individuals and their pursuit of these relationships? It’s very different depending on the maturity level and whether or not it’s a male or female. In a lot of females cases they are seeking a bond with a mature man who will treat her in a fashion that she feels as desirable as well as allow her to feel the security of a man who doesn’t actively want or need anything from her. Now, what I’ve noticed in a lot of those circumstances is that a lot of females who pursue these relationships often have had some sort of bad relationship with their father or little no relationship with a male figurehead in their life at all. As a result of this a lot of feelings they feel should look for in a relationship are dominated by those that the security of a strong man might bring into their life. Other females choose to pursue these relationships so that they can abuse older males desire for control and take advantage of the greater security they offer in the form of finances, these are typical what Jamie and Kanye refer to as gold diggers. For males, the majority of us that pursue relationships with women that are older are looking for security as well as someone we don’t have to provide for. I know in my case as well as a lot of males cases in that 18-24 bracket I used to belong to, having to constantly provide for a female got old prety fast and we often sought relationships with women that could hold their own and not need someone to pretty much hold their hand through everything.  And then, there’s the negative side of males that are usually just looking for a ‘milf’ or the like which they can sponge off of for a while before moving on. These factors in relationships have shown that a good majority of the time..these relationships = absolute fail.

For the second part of this blog I’ll get into the real meat and potatoes, but whether not I share it depends on the feedback I receiver here. What do you guys think? Comment and let me know on my thoughts as well as your own opinion! I look forward to discussing it!

1/25/2012 Morning Update:
Hey all, just wanted to be clear that these aren’t an accurate listing of my complete views on the subject but rather the manner in which I think that the common person might interpret these sorts of relationships. I plan on sharing my views/experiences on this matter in the next blog update or another update really soon. until then, continue to discuss and share your thoughts please!

-Palazzo.

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    • sharon
    • January 24th, 2012

    interesting take on the whole thing…I have played around with this (with hesitation) and I suppose it depends on the individual… It could be a good experience or a bad one…mine was a learning one…

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    • LynciLuv
    • January 24th, 2012

    Hmmm, I agree with the majority of what you said.

    Some women who have had some “daddy issues” tend to gravitate toward the extremes. Either they go for a guy with maturity (age may just be coincidental) or they go for a guy that still shows signs of immaturity. It depends on if the woman’s mentality is towards what she wants out of a man to counteract what her father didn’t provide or what she feels she deserves because her father wasn’t there for her.

    Occasionally, women in relationships with older guys realize that there isn’t really a higher level of maturity at all. They just happen to be older, nothing else has changed.

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  1. Very interesting points made in this analysis. I, personally have some experience in the younger woman seeking older man department. My reasoning at the time of doing so, (which was a lengthy time…. My entire pubescent years of dating as a matter of fact) was in hopes of finding a mate with.a maturity level equal to that of my own, or even a little above. I had a father figure most of my young childhood and never lacked that ” father figure” feeling. What I found in those relationships, however was while most of those men were equally as mature as I….were at the same time somewhat insecure in the relationship. So I dealt wit allegations all of the time if I weren’t “up under them” so to speak. Now as for the younger men area, I tried that once and it was VERY short lived. As I learned I was dealing with somewhat of a “child” and was almost like babysitting him the majority if the time. PASS! I eventually gave up on the dating and relationship scene for a while and did some reevaluating on my “standards.” I decided to lll find someone with similar interests, goals,and outlooks….someone that I could have fun with, but be serious.with at the same time…no age required, as long as it wasnt jail bait. I then came to find my husband. Or he found me rather. Funny enough, we’re the same age. Something that before my reevaluating, would have canceled him out all together! All in all I would have to concur with your findings. Make and female sides. Bc up until me, my husband went for the “older women” for the exact reasons you listed. Job well done Wil, I look forward for part 2.

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  2. Loving the feedback so far ladies! 🙂 Now we just need some fellows to chime in. Depending on how much feedback I get here I could possibly drive this discussion forward 2 to 3 more parts. I’m saving my experiences with this sort of thing for it’s own blog post in this series.

    Definitely agree with both of your points though, especially when it comes to ruling out younger or same age people due to not being able to pursue someone who fits my criteria.

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    • Korey
    • January 24th, 2012

    Niiiice. Brilliant work. Brilliant read. I’ll get more in-depth about it later..

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  3. I think you had some valid points in the post. There are a few factors that I might have overlooked, but will now add. 1. Control is a powerful motivator. Being able to dictate the dynamics of a relationship is important to some people. Basically, they are willing to pay the cost to be the boss. 2. Sex. Younger playmates are often more willing to try new stuff. 3. Freedom. If your relationship is inequitable, you are free to do what you want. Sometimes, that’s all folks want. 4. Status. The odds of a young person already being in a high powered or successful career are low. If you want to be arm candy to a doctor or lawyer, you have to look outside your age group. 5. Fear of intimacy. If you know the other person is not on your level, you don’t have to worry about them really getting close. Just sayin’

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  4. with stuff like this, it truly depends on the individual, when u talk about different age groups, they are typically at different points in their lives which makes it harder to generalize them…….this is an issue when u can interview a 100 different ppl and get a 100 totally different answers

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  5. Well, I’m going on 25 next week, and I have been on both sides of the stick. Being the older person, the woman was happy, as long as I didnt restrict her too much. Honestly, I don’t believe in controlling, but when she start doing things that hurts the relationship, I couldn’t help it but to take control. I gave her the security she wanted, but she couldn’t slow down and give the mature decision making that we needed, so that didn’t work out. We even were engaged.

    Now, I tried dating an older person, that was 8 years older. Now, she said that I need to live a little longer, but after been around each other for 2 years and I moved on, now she wish we had giving it a try. She knew that I was mature enough to please her and live on my own, but she believed that I haven’t dated around enough and got enough experience. Now, I moved on, and she sometimes bring up what it could have been like.

    I can’t say that most men at my age is willing to take their time in life, and become stable, slowly. I have started at minimuim wage and now up to $13.50/hr, 50 hours a week, and traveling with a temp. I have been engaged, but couldn’t marry someone that was moving too fast, and I have moved on, instead of waiting for an older woman. A man shouldn’t change something good and safe that he got going for himself, over a woman. It’s better to find a woman that can help with it.

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  6. I know exactly how you feel TeeTom. Thanks for sharing your experience with us. I’ve had my fair share of interesting experiences as well which I’ll likely share in part two of this blog. I’ll try to get it up here in the next 2-3 days, but before I post my thoughts/beliefs on the subject I want to wait a bit and see if anymore opinions will be shared.

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  7. I definately agree!!

    Especially with older women who date younger men…I feel like they definately seek control!! and it usually works out for them but only for a while, unless (like you said) there is an emoitonal investment OMG that just hit a nerve b/c this remind me of my boyfriend and his baby mother…she is 5 years older than him and when I tell you she was able to manipulate him to do somethings that he probably would’ve been subjected to if he was dating someone his age…and if he was just mature himself!

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    • First, thanks for the comment twin! If you guys haven’t checked it out already I’m posting a link to her very cool and very informative blog in the updated post here in a second. 2nd, I’ve heard of several such scenarios, and the funniest thing is in a lot of cases this is only the tip of the iceburg. As a matter of fact, hearing about these sorts of things and witnessing them first hand have allowed me to draw several different unique perspectives on these matters and as a result when I had my very own experience it allowed me to learn quite a deal about myself as well as women in general when things became more than what they appeared to be.

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    • jkelley
    • January 25th, 2012

    Interesting read. I understand your points to a degree, but I politely dissent on a few of them.

    I have always been interested men that were older, but it was always because I was attracted to them on a psychological level. I was intrigued by what I saw as maturity. Also (and I know you said “a lot” and “often”, so you at least acknowledge that there are exceptions) I don’t feel that every case is centered around daddy issues. I have had an amazing relationship with my father my entire life, so I am not looking for a symbolic father figure; I have one and he’s incredible.

    I also don’t necessarily believe that the majority of these relationships stem from control. In likelihood at least some of them do, but that can be said of nearly any relationship. At any rate, none of the dealings that I had with older men involved him trying to exert control. As a matter of fact, nearly all of them deferred to my wishes for how things would move. And although all of these “relationships” that I had were short-lived, it wasn’t necessarily because they were destined to doom.

    And while I agree that some women look for a man with stability, I don’t necessary believe that it means she is looking purely for financial stability. Furthermore, i dont think the desire for financial stability necessitates that a woman is a gold-digger. A woman can have the exact same rationale that you mentioned for men – wanting to know that she will not have to take care of another adult. And sometimes it’s the simple matter of knowing that if anything were to happen to you that would inhibit your independence, financial or otherwise, and your ability to take care of yourself (such as an accident, illness, or job termination), that you will be taken care of. I think the delineation between a woman who is concerned with stability and a gold-digger is that the woman concerned with security is willing to reciprocate is her mate were in a situation where he was unable to take care of himself.

    Overall, I think this is a an interesting read and you brought up some thought provoking points.

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    • Thanks Jess! Appreciate your comment, and I agree with your points. The message I was attempting to convey in this initial blog was pretty much a view that I think that the majority of people had on the matter. I felt like before I stated my own views/experiences this would be a pretty good way to get the discussion flowing…judging by the reactions thus far it appears as if it is working :). So, if anyone misunderstands or misinterprets this as my views I must apologize..and as a matter of fact I believe I’ll go in and make an edit here so that I make that clear.

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    • anonymous_melody (calvn)
    • January 25th, 2012

    well, personally, I have A LOT of experience when it comes to older women. I generally find myself attracted to older women (and a most of my friends give me a lot of shit and jokes about it). It’s not because I want the milf/cougar adventure. It’s mostly because the older women i’ve chilled with/dated are soooo much more easy-going. They know how to have fun without all of the bullshit drama that often comes with females younger than me. when I say drama, I mean….. well I’ll get into that later in this discussion. I’ll be 26 in about 2 1/2 weeks and I’ve never seriously considered anyone younger than me to be my “soulmate”. now, you mention the older women wanting control. That’s true, but the thing is, you have to let them know early on that they’re not having that kind of control. And there’s many ways to do that. So in a nutshell, for someone who mainly prefers older women, it’s just because it’s a stress saver and you’ll have a lot more fun (if you set the relationship boundaries early)!!!!

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    • UberFabPeachz
    • January 25th, 2012

    It’s ok for older men to date younger women…as long as she’s mature. A 40 yr old dating an 18 yr old? Yeah, that’s a problem. But him dating someone 27, 28? Sure. Women tend to mature faster & most women get “their own” before men do…generally speaking. She wants someone on her level, to compliment her. Personally, I don’t do “Adopt-a-Dude” programs. I’m not trying to help a man see his potential or make him better. I have my own issues with which to be concerned. Older men tend to have their ducks in a row & are more prone to want to settle down w/one instead of playing around w/many. I prefer to date older…that’s just me. But to each their own!

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    • TaiTai
    • January 25th, 2012

    I agree with some of the blog and I disagree with some. All woman don’t have daddy issues, so what would your explanation bevfor a woman who came from a functional home with both parents, & financially stable liking to date older men? Exactly,
    you would have nothing to rebuttal with! It’s merely a choice & sometimes just chance that younger woman date older men & vice versa. Age at the end of the day doesn’t mean a thing. There are 50 & 60 year olds right now on twitter & Facebook right now instigating more drama than the high schoolers! It’s all about maturity & mentality. I know people who are younger than me & I’ve learned things from them by simply conversing with them. I’m 25 and I’ve come to learn that,”Older doesn’t necessarily mean better & younger doesn’t necessarily mean easier!” Overall I enjoyed the blog, so give us part 2 already!

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  8. UberFabPeachz :

    It’s ok for older men to date younger women…as long as she’s mature. A 40 yr old dating an 18 yr old? Yeah, that’s a problem. But him dating someone 27, 28? Sure. Women tend to mature faster & most women get “their own” before men do…generally speaking. She wants someone on her level, to compliment her. Personally, I don’t do “Adopt-a-Dude” programs. I’m not trying to help a man see his potential or make him better. I have my own issues with which to be concerned. Older men tend to have their ducks in a row & are more prone to want to settle down w/one instead of playing around w/many. I prefer to date older…that’s just me. But to each their own!

    Haha! Thanks for the kind words. ‘Adopt-a-Dude’ programs FTW.

    I generally support these relationships as well, but the real sketchy ones tend to be the 30 somethin’ trying to pull the 18 or 20 year old.

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  9. Balance and appropriate intentions is the real issue here. The two people involved should balance each others needs in a positive way and should only intend to be in a positive supportive relationship. Anything other than that is a disaster, not matter how big the age gap is.

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    • Jasmine Harris
    • February 29th, 2012

    In my opinion I think older men/women date younger individuals to make them feel like they’re not getting older. Yes I believe some date younger people for control purposes but for the most part i think it’s cause they want someone who can keep them on their toes ( as they saying goes)

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    • Danielle
    • March 2nd, 2012

    This is so true.
    I think though it’s whoever makes you happy, people are only conscious about their age difference in relationships because of what other people think about them. My uncle is 72 and has an 18 yr old girl. Alot of my family have disowned him saying he’s a peado and whatever, at first I did think yakk but ive never seen him so happy and I ain’t sleeping with any of them so I don’t care. But you can see he craves that young blood and she makes him feel so much younger. Me personally I find having quite a big career from a young age and being very Independant from a teen, most guys my age I find are not on my wavelength, all my boyfriends but one have been older than me and that’s not an active choice I made it’s just the common ground we found with each other. Keep it coming Wil. 😉

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    • Thanks Danielle, you’ve brought a very unique and interesting take to this subject. I often forget about how awesome you are and the fact that you’ve obtained fame due to how familiar we are on twitter LOL. I’m really glad you enjoyed this and hope you take the time to peek in on part 2 as well!

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    • Eva
    • March 2nd, 2012

    Magnificent work! I have always dated men at least 2-5 years older than myself. Not by choice, it was just pure coincidence. Recently, I’ve crossed paths with a fine, intellegent, much younger man. He impressed me from the moment I met him. If only things were different…

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    • Michael K.
    • August 8th, 2013

    Age isn’t important, as long as they’re both at least 18, obviously. What’s important is maturity level, where they are in their lives and what direction their lives are going. Setting an “age limit,” younger or older, isn’t as efficient as examining these factors.

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    • Ashley
    • August 8th, 2013

    I have to agree with you. My first thoughts of girls dating older men was the fact of them wanting to feel more secure and have a man that more established, BUT there is the maturity factor in there as well. Men are known to mature a lot later than women, so I can see why an older man is wanted. Guys my age when I was younger were SO immature and focused on so many trivial things that it just became a turn off.

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    • Agreed. Thanks for sharing your experience Ashley. I think this sort of thing is something that can be looked at from a lot of directions. I’m going to try to do a new post soon with statistics and what not that show which is more common, “Older man pursuing young woman.” or “Older woman pursuing younger man.”

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