Analysis/Discussion: Is it ok for middle aged adults to date young adults? Part 2: My perspective, Pro’s.

Hello all.

After a bit of internal battle I’ve finally decided to get this thing posted! I’ll try to be as descriptive as possible and outline what I think are the pro’s in relationships between middle age adults and young adults below. And next time, I’ll point out the con’s.

Background Info:

In my 25 years of life I’ve experienced several changes that have caused me to have a different perspective on life than my peers. I grew up in a home pretty united home for the most part. My mom and dad had their issues but never separated despite the difficulties they had with one another. Enough about that though, that’s not what’s really important about this, something that is though is that I didn’t experience my first legitimate relationship until I was 17 years old. When I did get into this relationship, I was naive and foolish buying all the way into her claims of being there for me always and pretty much allowing myself to be the typical ‘fool’ in love. This relationship, and it’s effects on my life led to me being a drastically different person as it began to have an impact on every relationship I had from that point on. I started to become consumed with my emotions and in a lot of cases I would not only not talk about how I felt about things but take actions such as being manipulative, lying about how I felt, and pretty much taking the weight of things onto my shoulders. The only time I didn’t completely do this is if I was dating someone I felt was actually capable of not only dating me but actually being able to handle the baggage that comes with dating me. Not only have I been an emotional mess at times in my life, but my finances and social skills have never been the best as a result of my primary focuses for 90% of my life being my education and basketball. Annnnnd I think that’s enough background my actual experience.


Well, let’s get to the nitty gritty shall we? Throughout my life, I’ve never really been very aggressive in my pursuit of a woman I’ve liked. A lot of people think it’s due to my passive aggressive nature,  but mostly it’s been b/c I’m very picky when it comes to the type of woman I’m interested in. Back when I was 17-18 years old I had a lot of experiences when I went out with my friends on college campuses, or took official visits to colleges and saw all manner of beautiful woman however in most of those cases when I conversed with some of these women I never seemed to have anything in common with them. Not only that, but in a lot of cases it seemed as if they already had some idea of what type of man I was supposed to be and either wrote me off as a result or did something that indicate their disinterest. So, as a result of this I was quickly able to determine that whenever I dated someone it would take a whole lot to not only gain my interest but actually keep it as most of these women’s idea of ‘fun’ was drinking and smoking pot. Initially I was a bit wary of getting to know an older woman on a level as anything more than a friend. I mean, since I was used to getting hit on by older women all the time but I never took it too seriously you know? So, initially things were pretty normal and I didn’t think things out too thoroughly. But as time passed I noticed a whole lot of things about dating an older woman that were very beneficial. Next, I’ll discuss the pro’s that come with dating an older woman.


Experience: Most of the time when you date an older woman they aren’t the sort that will bring a lot of hassle or baggage to a situation when it comes to dating younger men. They aren’t worried about you hurting them and they are secure with themselves. Not to say that my female peers and younger women are not but in a lot of cases some might feel threatened by things an older women is not. These aren’t the only reasons why experience is valuable but I think it’s a good summary.

Patience: Though, this probably varies in age in my experience dating older women they have always been very patient. As a result of this they have been a lot easier to talk to not only about various life matters, but it allows the windows of communication to be a lot more open. By comparison, a lot of younger women always seem to be in some sort of rush. An example of this is, a lot of women my age  have been turned off when I say that I usually like to date someone for 6 months before I consider a commitment.  Yet, when I propose that same format with an older woman then it’s not a problem at all.

-Communication:  I don’t know if this is a universal issue for young men, but a lot of us have a hard to communicating exactly how we feel and expressing ourselves. I know, ’cause I have been extremely guilty of this for a long time. A lot of men and women in their twenties have a comedic amount of miscommunication, whether this be in the form of giving the wrong impression about interest or in some cases a lot of men are wary of admitting any sort of weakness or fallacy with themselves. This usually is not much of an issue with older women, or rather it wasn’t in my case simply because our level of communication was refined enough that I felt comfortable opening up about any and everything.

Education and Growth: This is the most important thing I was able to gain from my experience. With each conversation I had and as more time passed I not only learned more about the person interested in me, but she was able to point out things within myself that a lot of women I dated in the past failed to notice. Not only that, but I was able to become much better at understanding a lot of things that went on not only in life, but in matters that generally involved interaction between men and women. This education helped me grow even more as a man and helped me gain a greater appreciation for the depth I was able to gain as a result of this.

Closing Thoughts:

Every woman is different and most of my female peers are capable of providing these benefits in a relationship. The problem is that due to a lack of experience a lot of men and women my age do not know how to cultivate a healthy relationship, and as a result of this a lot of confusion and pain can arise. This isn’t a knock on myself or my peers, but rather how things are due to a lack of worldliness. At the end of the day, I feel like relationships between older and younger individuals can be successful, however they face a lot of scrutiny and difficulty due other motivations that exist beneath the surface. I mentioned control being one of those things but there are several other factors that end up turning into cons for these type of relationships. I’ll try to elaborate on this a lot more in the next blog.

Laters for now.

Note: Version 2.0 as of 11:10 AM 1/27

  1. Communication is so important! and yes, young people lack that where as some, SOME older people are good at it.

    Communication is something we all have to work at and if a person does not realize that then they will never communicate well, no matter how old they are.


  2. MMM…I think a little different…I think Older women do come with experience however they do have potential to come with baggage, i.e., kids!
    Patience…IDK about that, I think the older women get the less patient the get and are less tolerant to certain things. I think older women want and expect a commitment alot faster than younger women. I think they know what they want and when they want, and if it’s not given they move on faster b/c in their “they don’t have time to waste.”


    • sharon
    • January 30th, 2012

    I think that everyone is diffrent…. therefore every experience will be diffrent.


    • cYnical
    • February 17th, 2012

    Wil asked me to repost all this from Facebook onto here. I will attempt to explain the dichotomy between the perspectives and reactions of older and younger women. I will begin by addressing the tendency of a younger woman to move into a commitment more quickly than an older one. Bear in mind that these are clearly general terms, with varying degrees of skewing statistics depending on personality type, upbringing, etc.

    The more Freudian explanation is that they have recently left the nest, so to speak, and are trying to replace the father figure they grew up with. Women can become irrational and desperate if they don’t have that role filled (the same can be said for some men, but that is a discussion for another day). A woman’s 20s is a very tumultuous time in which everything about them changes on a psychological as well as physical level. Throw in the fact that most women have innumerable men to choose from (seriously, all a woman has to do to get laid is exist), and neurosis can get completely out of control. Imagine if you were young, hormonal, and had endless options before you. It would become quite the burden. That being the case, a woman must create some sort of checklist of criteria, whether consciously or unconsciously, by which they eliminate options from consideration. As they wade through positive marks, time passes, and they are more likely to throw the cards into the air and just grab the nearest guy that’s passed the test.

    Here’s an illustration. You have $200 in your pocket that you recently received, tax free, as a gift. You are placed inside a store with everything you could possibly want. You have a set amount of time to spend all of your money, and it must be completely spent by the end of said time. As the last moments tick off the clock, you’re scrambling to make choices, your anxiety gets the better of you, and you either make a rash choice, or you melt down and fail the challenge. This is what some women (not all, or even most, mind you) go through when it comes to men.

    Another, more self-aware, explanation is that some younger women consider a mate as a prop of sorts. He is simply an accessory on her person – shown off at parties, talked about with friends, flaunted on Facebook, etc. These women see no reason to beat around the bush. If you resemble what they want to show off, you fit the bill. Committing to a man is not a risk to them, as a failed relationship would simply open the door for the next one.

    A third example is the kind of girl that probably grew up watching Disney movies and dreams of a prince that will sweep her off her feet. She is obsessed with finding “the one,” and will let nothing stand in her way. The danger of this mentality is that she begins to focus more on the goal than her standards. These are the women that will marry young, and like to quote Romeo and Juliet as if it really is a story about young love rather than two stupid kids who die for the sake of drama and rebellion. The moment they find a guy that fits just enough of their criteria for a mate, they will latch onto him with a death grip. They want their pink house, white picket fence, and 2.5 children, and they want it right now. It’s what they’ve dreamed of since childhood, and by God, they’re going to get it ASAP.

    Now, you may be thinking to yourself that this is a very demeaning view of women. Well, you’d be partially right. It’s actually a derogatory view of the attitudes held by ANYONE in their early to mid 20s. In my experience, no one in this bracket knows what the hell they’re doing. Very few of them know what they really want, and those that do will find that those desires completely change as they get older. Thinking clearly is simply not an option for most during this period, which is what leads to such social discrepancy, heartache, and confusion. My advice is to simply slow down and enjoy life as it comes. Don’t try to look into the future, but enjoy where you are at the moment.


    • Jasmine Harris
    • March 16th, 2012

    i like the pros u pointed out about women cuz those are the things i look for in an older man which is what i prefer to date!!


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