Resolve


Warning: This is a bit of dark prose I’ve been writing today, so if you don’t handle that sort of stuff well please carry on with your day and go about your business.

Please comment and drop your thoughts.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I sit in darkness. I bask in the absolute truth that it brings and use it as a shroud for my feelings. It hides my pain, reinforces my convictions, and reminds me of my weaknesses. I’ve never believed myself to be a person that people look up to, never felt like the people around me ever put all of their faith into me, and frankly I’m don’t fit anyone’s vision of an ideal man.

 

…and yet…

 

somehow, each day I open my eyes, I clench my fists tight and resolve to become stronger. I feel like no matter what happens from this point on there’s nothing more than can be done to break me. I’m truly grateful for all I’ve lost and gained in life as I’ve learned exactly what it takes to continue to exist in this world I just can’t get over the same recurring things….

 

rejection..unworthiness..and the fact that no matter what I do my best doesn’t ever seem to be good enough. I don’t know, I know I have a terrible tendency to over think, analyze, and decipher things when I feel this way yet I’ve always been the type of man who finds fault within before blaming others about the things that have happened in this world.

For each of my losses in life, my reaction is always the same. I always feel like I should be better, like I should be the very best at what I do.  I mean, with all that i’ve lost already how can I continue to fail to meet the challenges life continues to thrust upon me?

 

I’m not perfect. I try to eliminate all weaknesses be they mental or emotional..I guess I’m just wondering..what do I do?

 

I suppose until I get it sorted out, the best thing I can do is continue to strengthen my resolve to reach my destiny. If I can’t do that much, and I continue to wallow in the dregs as well as the darkness of despair I may as well wait until the darkness forever claims me. Fortunately, I don’t think I will ever lose the will to live….hmph…double ‘will’.

 

Survival of the fittest, resolving yourself to be strong, and never giving up on what you’ve set your heart toward accomplishing. The sorta things a man can live by, if I can’t live by these ideals then I just won’t live. Hard work, determination, and belief in myself will make me happy..I just have to continue to believe it.

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    • Mike in Mississippi
    • July 16th, 2012

    I should check this blog more often… Our struggles are probably different in nature, but one thing I can relate to is that it stinks when things just don’t seem to ever get better. All we can do is cling to the idea that, if we do things the right way, we will eventually see some breakthrough. Keep on grinding my friend, and know that I’ll support you in prayer and otherwise. -MK

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