Old romance poem


Hey all. Here’s my latest blog post with a poem I wrote for a special someone a few years ago only touched up and modified to remove errors and improve the flow. Please comment and tell me what you think peeps!

What kind of man is he,

That can’t send butterflies aflutter,

Within her?

Whose interest he has lost,

Along with any hope,

Of ever feeling strong again.

Oh, how he used to sweep her off her feet,

And she’d smile at him with those bright, sparkling eyes!

But now, it seems,

He is only a shadow,

Whose touch isn’t felt,

His shouts never heard,

Those desperate pleas that ring out,

Utter silence…

Does she not notice the way,

That he intently gazes at her,

And see that his eyes can’t be moved?

Does she not know how he longs,

To feel her warmth radiating,

As he holds her?

He reaches out for her,

A mighty oak seeking to embrace the heavens,

But despite his utmost effort,

He cannot reach her anymore.

He searches for solace in others,

But he has pledged his heart to her,

And it could not be moved if he wanted.

Sometimes he wishes he could damn his conviction,

Forsake her and pledge his love to another,

But he remembers that no other has been so kind and caring,

Nor shared his dreams from before their acquaintance.

He will endure whatever he must,

Just to know whether she still loves him.

Does she?

What’d you guys think? Did it flow well? Was the message consistent all the way through? Please answer these questions after reading if you have trouble coming up with any sort of commentary.

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  1. I enjoyed reading this side of you. I hope to read more along these lines one day.

    Like

    • Ashley
    • August 12th, 2013

    This was kinda sad. IDK when I thought of “Romance” I thought of something less…. dark. I do like it and it makes me wonder what happened to make her that way towards him. It’s horrible to be madly in love with someone that doesn’t want it or return the feelings

    Like

    • So many different factors went into that piece i can’t even describe those feels in detail anymore lol. Thanks for the feedback!

      Like

    • Lynci
    • August 12th, 2013

    I liked it. It flowed nicely. I like honesty in poetry.

    Like

  2. It flows well, but I miss the other senses that poetry normally evokes. Tears on face, salt on tongue, thudding heart, lonely arms, but still this is a rather somber poem. The romance is of course the speaker’s continued devotion in light of his lover’s lack or apathy I didn’t feel the love the speaker has was unrequited, b/c the object of his love has been more kind to him than any other person and supports his dream. So, the lover must care for the speaker as well. Anyway, I digress. Solid poem.

    Like

    • Thanks :). Whenever I used to write poetry I’d be all about visuals and painting literary pictures in a concise manner. It’s extremely difficult for me to do so currently b/c I do my best to keep a tight rein on my emotions and I’ve spoiled myself by being thorough and providing depth with my lengthier pieces.

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