Feeling introspective 04/11


I’ve lived a hard life.

 

Not to say it’s been hard in the sense that my parents and older sisters didn’t do everything in their power to make my life comfortable as a child. No, I’m not saying anything like that. In a sense of the type of experiences I’ve been through since I’ve been an adult and the continuing evolution of my expectations for the people in my life. I really find it interesting that at times the people I find I can most depend on for support aren’t even related to me by blood. I think that is most interesting to me because of the way I was raised and one of my parents constantly beating into my head a singular idea about family members not caring or wanting to be there for me.

I think the way I’ve lived my life and learned from my mistakes, hardships, and tragedies have offered me a very unique perspective. I mean, it’s a really humbling experience to lose quite a few significant things you worked your ass off to gain. These experiences and this perspective will either shape me into a strong person capable of shaping my own destiny or disillusion me to the point where I’m content with just getting by. All my life I’ve watched different people be ‘content’ with their lives. Be “alright” with just living paycheck to paycheck or working the same dead end job for 4-5 year with no consideration or dream of something larger. I’ve always hated that train of thought. It disgusts me, I can’t imagine being able to be happy living that way. With all I’ve been through, all I’ve sacrificed, and all I do to live my life to a certain standard the idea of living that way long term makes me physically ill.

This is why I wake up every day. This is why when people ask me how I am I always reply that, “I’m alive, how can I complain?” It’s hard to live in this world. I am extremely fortunate to have good health and the ability to still pursue the vast opportunities that are out there for me in this world. The only question is what will I have to sacrifice next in order to continue pursuing this path.

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  1. I feel that all you have experienced as a person will make you stronger. I cannot see you ever becoming content with just existing. You are so much more and will accomplish so much more than that.

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    • Michael Kerekes
    • April 11th, 2014

    To offer a bit of a different perspective, one thing I’ve come to learn (in just the past few days, in fact) is there’s a good that comes from being “content” where you are. What I mean is, so many times we go through life with the idea that “bigger and better” things are on the horizon. The problem is, those things are either impossible to achieve or, when they are achieved, we come to the startling realization that they don’t offer the contentment we dreamed they would. Something else we often do is look back on our lives and wonder what different choices we could have made to arrive at a different present.

    In the meantime, our present, and the legitimately good things that are there in the present, pass us by. We’re too busy longing for a different present, or a better future, to enjoy them.

    That’s not to say one shouldn’t have goals in life, nor is it to say we should just stay in the same place forever. Growth is a key part of the human experience, and growth should be embraced — but not forced. Life is more than capable of forcing growth on its own. Furthermore, if you’re in a legitimately harmful situation, then you should absolutely do everything in your power to get out of it. Not wanting to live “paycheck to paycheck” is an admirable goal, and one that denotes discipline and personal conviction. Just don’t allow yourself to get too down when you can’t achieve that status in the here and now. As long as you’re working toward it, eventually, you will realize it.

    Finally, as to your first point about people you confide in not being blood-related, one of Michael Kerekes’s Top 10 Lessons In Life is, “There are very few ‘friends’ in life. Pick and choose wisely.” Whether it’s family or friends, there will always be people who care. The trick is determining who those people are.

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    • Of course! Of course! And it’s funny man. The only time I ever really ‘feel’ my status and limitations in regards to my socio-economic status in life is when I’m at ‘home’. When I’m at work being productive or out in my car just going to get something to eat I’m good. Real good as a matter of fact. I think this quick post and bit of introspection is a result of exactly how weighed down I can get at times. Think that’s why i’ll be writing a lot more in the future as I want to be rid of some of this ‘heavy’ feeling that continues to pollute me.

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  2. This is very deep brother! After reading this, I am even more proud of you. You are the most awesome person I know and to see that you triumph through all the struggles just shows how powerful you really are! Keep pushing on, man!

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    • Thanks sis! I couldn’t do anything without the support of awesome people like yourself and Nike. Really appreciate all the effort you guys put into keeping me positive.

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      • You help us too, brother! Always know that your encouragement keep us going too!

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        • nikewrites
        • April 12th, 2014

        “These experiences and this perspective will either shape me into a strong person capable of shaping my own destiny or disillusion me to the point where I’m content with just getting by.”

        You are already strong, and already shaping your destiny. You know what you want to do with your life and push towards it daily. You make me so proud! Onward and upward, Bro!! 😀

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      • I’m glad I can make you proud. 🙂 Look forward to tomorrows/tonight’s blogpost sis!

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    • I agree!

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  3. Reblogged this on The Repost Diva.

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