Recovery
Hey all. Been a while since I posted now, so I thought I’d bring something else out of the bag for a discussion post this week. For those who follow me on Twitter, I asked this question because I’m really curious about what other people’s opinion is.
How long does it take to recover emotionally from a failed relationship/attempt at a relationship?
I ask because I’ve had a lot of experiences in my last 5-6 years of being single and I was curious as to what people’s general period of time is before they actually get over the feelings they invested in the situation. My general opinion is, that it depends on the amount of time you invest into that relationship and exactly how deep your feelings are for that person. I generally have taken a long time to get over things the last 6 years due to a variety of issues that I won’t put on here but needless to say they involve death. Anywho! Comment below and help me out with some feedback folks. What’s a timetable on how quick you think people are capable of recovering emotionally after a bad ending?
An Insomniac's Dreams 
Admittedly this was back in my high school and early college days, but my biggest struggle was coming to grips with rejection. In the back of my mind, I always thought if I did this certain thing or changed this certain thing about myself then the person(s) would come to return my feelings. Coming to grips with rejection is, I think, one of the most important things to do when it comes to opposite-sex relationships.
Since I haven’t really had what you might consider a “serious relationship” in my life up to this point, I’m afraid I can’t comment on that part. 😛
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We’re way too alike in that regard my friend. Definitely had those thoughts many times even after having “serious” relationships. I used to have a complex and still do to a degree where I will blame myself for how a relationship results if it fails. It’s always been that way for me more so because a lot of relationships I’ve pursued or attempted have been about me taking a risk. I know everything isn’t going to matchup perfectly so it’s always hard to work up the nerve to take that leap again after you’ve gone through that. Thanks for commenting!
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I once dated a girl, when I was 18, for about 3 weeks. She broke up with me and I was very emotional about it for about a week. I guess I was so emotional because she was my first girlfriend and I didn’t think I would meet another one for a long time. A few months later, I graduated high school and met a girl (my wife) and we have been together for 8 years. That 1st girl was a ho anyways.
But if my wife and I was to separate, it would probably be months till I somewhat recover because we are so emotionally attached.
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Thanks for the feedback bro! Lol, once upon a time I used to have an insane timeline about meeting my “future wife” or whatever. It’s certainly a blessing to have met someone special that early in life. Glad to hear thing worked out so well for you.
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Recovery from a broken heart is never an easy task. It takes time and time does not heal all wounds, contrary to what many believe. I honestly don’t feel a person ever completely gets over heartbreak until they are in love again. I feel that the scars of a relationship gone wrong are only eased by discovering that you are still capable of loving someone and being loved in return.
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Thanks for the comment. That’s certainly an interesting perspective to have. I don’t necessarily agree with you in that you have to feel like you can be loved by someone in order to move past the hurt of a past relationship but I can see how it would make it easier.
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There’s not a set time for grieving any loss, and that’s what it is – grieving. Even when you think all is well and you’ve gotten over the person, you may hear a song that reminds you of him/her, or come across a picture or a note that reminds you of their presence, happier times in your life. How you feel in that moment is really going to depend on you and how much you loved that person. In a romantic relationship, you may be hit with the realization that the other person was not as emotionally invested in the relationship as you. You may feel rejected or abandoned with that thought. Dwelling on those types of details, lengthens the mourning period. You have to adjust your focus, to begin healing.
But here is where the healing begins: Healing begins when you realize your significant worth. As soon as you realize how valuable YOU are TO YOURSELF, healing starts to happen. That’s right, it’s all about you buddy! When you realize how valuable you are, the other party’s exit from your life will make sense. When you understand your worth, you can look at your relationships decide whether they were an overall positive experience in spite of the loss, or if they were toxic and unhealthy, and therefore a blessing because of their absence. You learn something about yourself in both cases, when you understand how valuable you are.
Once you begin the healing process, you will begin to find joy that isn’t based on your attachment to anyone else. That is so important! You may still long for a partner, but you will be satisfied with being alone because, again, you know how valuable you are to yourself. Based on the lessons from your previous relationship experience, you will begin to weed out the types of people that will enhance your value, and add to your joy, from the toxic people will recognize your worth, but attempt diminish your value and steal your joy.
I hope all of that wordiness makes sense! 😀
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Wow. Great response Nike. I wholeheartedly agree on this perspective. At the end of the day it is you who decides the extent of the damage. Thank you for replying!
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I’m glad my response helped! 🙂
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