Wow, it’s been almost a month.


It’s been almost a month since I’ve updated. Pretty crazy, but, between the two 5 week courses I’m taking as well as the amount of time I’ve spent at work lately I haven’t made the time I normally would to release my words here into the blog. For the last several weeks I’ve had a lot on my mind and heart but I honestly really don’t know the best way to convey it. I mean, I normally do a pretty decent job coping or even just getting by after I write for a bit and release some of the negativity that’s built up inside but I just haven’t been able to do that of late.

So many things going on in the world right now. The government and people in power continue to be corrupt, people remain stuck within the great chasm of life, and I continue to slowly trek forward through life. As another Mother’s day is just around the corner I have to wonder if what I’m feeling right now is sorrow or some sort of self loathing because I’m unable to go leave flowers for her this year. I’m not sure, I just really wish a lot of times that I could progress a bit faster on this whole track to success thing. I work hard. I mean, to the point where I try my best to be the best person I can be at any particular task I can. Like, I take pride in making sure that anyone who buys anything from me when I’m working at the Paint desk knows that I was able to help them. When someone talks to me and starts a conversation I talk to them about anything, from basketball, college football, to the millionth time someone remarks about my diction or how tall I am. Yet, I’m reminded each day that I put forth this effort and have yet to achieve my end goals that I’m just not good enough. I’m not where I want to be in life. I’m not financially stable, I can barely afford to take care of myself, and I feel like all I seem to be is the black sheep of my family. I could go on about the reasons and sacrifices I’ve made for others but, none of that seems to matter when you can barely keep your head out of a financial black hole. The only thing that matters in the end is results regardless of your circumstance.  But even then once I’m actually successful and have “Made” it in life will that be enough? Who knows, maybe these are just the ramblings of someone with too much time to think and reflect.

So, am I content with where I am in life? Far from it. I’m a satisfied with my progress? Not at all. What do I do to combat it?

I work harder. I keep pushing forward and I do everything within my means to pursue any opportunity given to better myself.  No matter how hard it is for me to accept where I am right now in life, I have to remind myself that I won’t always be in this place. I won’t always have to live like this. This solitude, this anger, this darkness, and this negativity will leave me. I just have to keep fighting and find my way…right?

Getting back on topic, to the one or two of you who actually read my material I’ll try to get back to posting more of my work here within the next three weeks. My last day of course work is due May 15th, so after that I should be free to write and get a few more ideas out here in the world. Got a few new story ideas I want to get out so, don’t look for Defending or any of the other staples with my next updates.

Later.

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